School Days
All my school days, he has been a friend to me. I never read Sai Leelamrutham. But I used to sing Aratis occasionally. We also have satsangs in our house. Those were the days of f'ship with HIM. I used to say what all happened in school. I used to share everything with Him.
I changed school after 5th standard. Though teachers are very good, classmates are not that much cooperative. Somehow I didn't like because I was always hurt for one reason or other. I don't name them bad, they are good but somehow, I couldn't relate to them. Most of them never matched my expectations and definitions of a friend. I used to feel very much like an odd word/person among them.
So whenever I was hurt, I used to complain to HIM and weep. But I am a very confident and individualistic person that I manage without friends. Sometimes most of the girls (overall we were only 9 members) didn't talk to me at all. I couldn't understand my mistake either. But I didn't care because I am the favourite of our teachers.
I used to say to Him, 'Baba, I don't care if these people are good to me or not, if they behave like true friends or not, but please give me a good person as my life partner, who could be my best of friends and caring one whom I could love genuinely. That was the only prayer of me.
One day my grandmother (my beloved granny(mother's mother), Smt. Nemali Krishnakumari, whom I lovingly call Andal) had some problem and she was admitted in hospital. I fear hospital and doctors and so I did not go to the hospital. But I bunk the school and sat in our Verandah and quarrelled with Baba like anything, like He can't take my grandmother, He is not good because HE is suffering her. I do not remember exactly what all I scolded him, but I quarelled with Him very much. At that time I was too young, 12 or 13 years old. There was not much association like no questions, no replies etc., Just I used to say my version, keep on talking to Him. Luckily my grandmother was discharged and she was normal again. I thanked Him like anything.
So there is nothing special that I remember in those days. Just to talk to Him, sometimes I do open the book and ask questions, but didn't remember what all happened. Whenever a page where someone dies opens, I used to feel like 'May I die? So young? Baba, do you take me away?'
I changed school after 5th standard. Though teachers are very good, classmates are not that much cooperative. Somehow I didn't like because I was always hurt for one reason or other. I don't name them bad, they are good but somehow, I couldn't relate to them. Most of them never matched my expectations and definitions of a friend. I used to feel very much like an odd word/person among them.
So whenever I was hurt, I used to complain to HIM and weep. But I am a very confident and individualistic person that I manage without friends. Sometimes most of the girls (overall we were only 9 members) didn't talk to me at all. I couldn't understand my mistake either. But I didn't care because I am the favourite of our teachers.
I used to say to Him, 'Baba, I don't care if these people are good to me or not, if they behave like true friends or not, but please give me a good person as my life partner, who could be my best of friends and caring one whom I could love genuinely. That was the only prayer of me.
One day my grandmother (my beloved granny(mother's mother), Smt. Nemali Krishnakumari, whom I lovingly call Andal) had some problem and she was admitted in hospital. I fear hospital and doctors and so I did not go to the hospital. But I bunk the school and sat in our Verandah and quarrelled with Baba like anything, like He can't take my grandmother, He is not good because HE is suffering her. I do not remember exactly what all I scolded him, but I quarelled with Him very much. At that time I was too young, 12 or 13 years old. There was not much association like no questions, no replies etc., Just I used to say my version, keep on talking to Him. Luckily my grandmother was discharged and she was normal again. I thanked Him like anything.
So there is nothing special that I remember in those days. Just to talk to Him, sometimes I do open the book and ask questions, but didn't remember what all happened. Whenever a page where someone dies opens, I used to feel like 'May I die? So young? Baba, do you take me away?'
posted by saigeetika | 4:58 AM
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