Then we went to Tirupati. But unfortunately in Kalahasti my aunt lost her money and bank cards as well. We headed to TPT with heavy hearts. We had Kalyanam and also good darshan. That was the first time that I visited Tirupati after reading a book of his leelas and also after the quarrel. All my earlier visits were just visits feeling that HE is god and we were going there to pay respects thats it. No sort of association.

But this time, we had a quarrel. So I prayed to HIM to show HIS presence and also to prove that all the messages that I am getting are not false and I only came only when baba gave me permission etc., I wanted to take Laddu as prasad. After we come out of darshan, temple authorities distribute prasadam to us. But to my dismay I got curd rice. I felt very disappointed. We were waiting at the temple's premises for the other members of our family to come. I saw a lorry with laddus to be distributed to the devotees.

I felt very very bad. I thought that god is saying me that "I haven't given you the Laddu but I am distributing to others in front of you. So wantonly I haven't given to you." I felt very very bad. I was quarreling with him feeling that " Am I so paraaya to you? Tirupati is so famous for Laddus and you can't give me laddu and you can't prove me your existence. You might be there but you are not for me".

I was observing the laddu van only. A small kid asked the person in the lorry for laddu. He gave the laddu and commanded him and her sister not to come again. So I thought even if I ask, HE would scold me as I am very big.

But I couldn't resist the feeling and at the end when we were leaving I asked him for a laddu. I was so desperate and obstinate to take laddu at any cost. Then that man said, 'Ayyo! You are here for such a long time and if you ask me, I would have given to you. Now nothing left.'

You could feel my emotions then. 'Am I so proud that I couldn't ask?' I questioned myself. But I am adamant and so I took the powder that is left in the lorry though the man was saying that there was nothing left. Again tears were in my eyes but I couldn't weep and I made few steps feeling very dejected and down. Then suddenly my people called me saying to look back. There the man in the lorry sent a laddu for me (probably they might have kept for themselves). No expression, no words can describe my feeling then.

Out of all my experiences so far in this life, these two are the wonderful experiences that I can never forget. Still baba is testing me despite those experiences. I do not know whether the blessing come true in this life or only in the next life.