Days of Intermediate

My interest in baba grew as such that I thought it is bad to apply creams to my face and show interest to makeup myself etc., I used to have many pimples and I haven't used any cream except Baba's Udhi. That to, for me, pimples, big in size, appeared on forehead too. But I never cared.

Though I wished to be beautiful, I was least bothered about the comments in the college. I am very very confident and give importance only to my decisions, no matter what, I hook on to my decision only. I budge not an inch. I feel like I am good looking even though I have pimples :) (People also mention so when they comment. Is it the reason for your carelessness?) The same carelessness is present with respect to dressing and every aspect of the outward appearance.

I always feel like one's character should give beauty to one's persona but not one's physical attributes and also I love to be simple and look beautiful yet. I always think high of myself (but not proud) for my ideology. I didn't make friends in college and I preferred to be alone though I used to talk normally. Baba was my friend those days. Daily I used to talk to him and sometimes sing arathi etc., Those are the really happy days and my mom also felt very happy because she didn't like the attitudes of some of my friends in school.

I never went to any movies or functions in the college even though everyone insisted me to attend. (Iam the same even now also with respect to my mentality, friends always complain:)) What I feel is just going out with them does not mean being their friend and I am very good as a friend so I need not justify myself by doing something I am not interested in or I don't like.

Tenth Holidays

After the SSC results, when the group was decided, I had to think of the college. Our school's founder happened to be a friend of the founder of Aditya College, Nellore. So he suggested my uncle (who also is a teacher in that school) to join me in Aditya Junior College. Before that my dad asked me to get the applications and apply in govt. colleges. I used to ask Baba whether to go or not. He usually denied and I didn't go. My dad used to scold me like I am enjoying holidays and is least interested in the studies. So I asked my friends to bring the application form for me too. That way I could get application forms of one or two colleges. Due to my dad's pressure, I had to go sometimes even though baba said 'not to'. Whenever I went as such, there was something or other problem like concerned clerk was not there, college closed etc., Anyway as we give very much respect to the correspondent of our school, our parents finally decided to join me in Aditya Junior College. So that was the reason why baba didn't gave permission to go to govt. colleges to get application.

SSC Results

It was only after 10th results that I became more attached to Baba. I am never a hardworking student. I just write what all I listen in the school in the days I attend. Thats it.

All our teachers has great expectation on me. At that time, 1994, getting more than 500 marks is treated as good score. But I know I couldn't get because I didn't attempted the exams well. I made silly mistakes even while writing the exam. So I was guilty of showing my face to our teachers. I didn't go to school also. Someone went on behalf of me and enquired the marks. Also I was not even sure of further course of study.

All my aunts and uncles wanted me to pursue M.B.B.S. so they adviced me to join Bi.P.C. I am not interested in M.P.C., so I too thought of taking Bi.P.C. (though I fear doctors a lot). But my parents knew me very much. My dad told me that, M.P.C. and Bi.P.C. are for hardworking students, you do not work hard, so for a girl like you, C.E.C. is the best option.

I was in confusion. Because I don't like either C.E.C. or M.P.C. I wonder if there is Special English in Intermediate itself. So I prayed to Baba like, He has to decide for me. If I cross 500 mark, I would take Bi.P.C. otherwise I would go for M.P.C. Someone joked like what if you get, 499, I told them, then also I will take M.P.C. only. But I got only 486, so there was no room left for any dilemma.

School Days

All my school days, he has been a friend to me. I never read Sai Leelamrutham. But I used to sing Aratis occasionally. We also have satsangs in our house. Those were the days of f'ship with HIM. I used to say what all happened in school. I used to share everything with Him.

I changed school after 5th standard. Though teachers are very good, classmates are not that much cooperative. Somehow I didn't like because I was always hurt for one reason or other. I don't name them bad, they are good but somehow, I couldn't relate to them. Most of them never matched my expectations and definitions of a friend. I used to feel very much like an odd word/person among them.

So whenever I was hurt, I used to complain to HIM and weep. But I am a very confident and individualistic person that I manage without friends. Sometimes most of the girls (overall we were only 9 members) didn't talk to me at all. I couldn't understand my mistake either. But I didn't care because I am the favourite of our teachers.

I used to say to Him, 'Baba, I don't care if these people are good to me or not, if they behave like true friends or not, but please give me a good person as my life partner, who could be my best of friends and caring one whom I could love genuinely. That was the only prayer of me.

One day my grandmother (my beloved granny(mother's mother), Smt. Nemali Krishnakumari, whom I lovingly call Andal) had some problem and she was admitted in hospital. I fear hospital and doctors and so I did not go to the hospital. But I bunk the school and sat in our Verandah and quarrelled with Baba like anything, like He can't take my grandmother, He is not good because HE is suffering her. I do not remember exactly what all I scolded him, but I quarelled with Him very much. At that time I was too young, 12 or 13 years old. There was not much association like no questions, no replies etc., Just I used to say my version, keep on talking to Him. Luckily my grandmother was discharged and she was normal again. I thanked Him like anything.

So there is nothing special that I remember in those days. Just to talk to Him, sometimes I do open the book and ask questions, but didn't remember what all happened. Whenever a page where someone dies opens, I used to feel like 'May I die? So young? Baba, do you take me away?'

Fever and Cure

The first incident which I remember is when I was in 4th class. There used to be a cupboard before our bed. Me and my mother used to sleep on that bed. One night I got very high temperature suddenly. I couldn't take a nap. I woke up my mom and that day she is very sleepy (normally she wakes up even for a pindrop. She told me to take Vibhuti and sleep. I took the Vibhuti, applied it on my forehead and sprinkled a little bit in my mouth. Morning when I woke up, there is no trace of fever at all.